The League of Extraordinary Individuals
by D. W. Tyn
Summary: A Spy, two Captain Jacks, a Demon, a Man who can do Anything, a Mutant, a Tomb-Raider, a Cannibal, and a Punk Vampire. Can they join forces to stop the evil Cardinal from conqouring the Cosmos? Rating might change. This is my first Fan-Fic. R&R.
1. Ch 1: The League is Formed

_**The League of Extraordinary Individuals**_

A Fan-Fic by: D.W. Tyn

Author's Note: All members of the League and/or supporting characters are NOT owned by me and are owned by their proper copyright owners; only the plot is mine, and the main antagonist.

_**Chapter I: The League is Formed**_

London, England, M.I.-6, M's Office

As Agent James Bond silently walked in M's office, his icy blue eyes saw that M had her back turned viewing her over sized computer screen that displayed pictures of random people; some he knew from either reading their files or meeting them face to face; others of people he never saw before; there were some that looked like they were scene shots from random movies.

"You wanted to see me, M?" asked Bond as M jumped startled by Bond's quiet entrance. "Christ, Bond," she shouted as she turned her chair to face him. "Why must move so silently like that? Why didn't Ms. Moneypenny announce you?" Bond nonchalantly walked to one of the empty chairs that nearest to her desk.

"First, that is one of the main reasons you promoted me to 0-0 status." he said as he sat down. "And as for Moneypenny, she wasn't at her desk. I'm sure she would return shortly." M quietly considered sacking her for only the slightest second. "No matter. I would like to explain your latest assignment." She typed something on the wireless keyboard on her lap to display one of the pictures Bond noticed earlier. It appeared to be a security photo of a man dressed in blood red cloak and had on a red skull mask and a red skull cap on his head. "I think I saw this movie, M." Bond said in jest. "I'm afraid this is not from a movie, 007," she said rather sternly. "This was taken by a security camera in the head quarters of a secret organization known as The Company. The man in question, who prefers to be known as The Cardinal, has been breaking into secret facilities owned by different secret agencies; such as C.I.A., UNIT, and even the B.P.R.D. and Torchwood. Mainly for obtaining various magical relics, alien technology, and even prisoners with special abilities. The U.N. believes he is using these items and people to help him conquer the world. I need you to lead a group of individuals that have abilities of equal to their own; so you can prevent The Cardinal's plan, what ever it might be."

This made Bond almost burst out laughing. "M, I don't I qualify to lead such a team. I mean, I saved the world more than once over the years, but that doesn't mean I'm bloody _Superman_." M's face change from stern to almost nurturing, to Bond's shock. "Look, James; I know you're only a mortal man, but you're the best agent M.I-6 has to offer. I think you can lead the LEXI, and no one else." Bond slightly cocked his head. "I'm sorry, M, but what exactly _is_ the LEXI?" M, slightly embarrassed by her forgetfulness. "Oh, LEXI is the name the U.N. decided to call your team. It's an acronym for League of Extraordinary Individuals." When she said that she pressed a hidden button on the desk, opening a secret passage behind a bookcase. Bond looked slightly amused as he followed M down the secret passage way. "A secret passage hidden behind a bookshelf, M? A bit of a cliché, isn't it?" M simply replied with out turning her head, "Why fix something that isn't broken, 007?"

As they ended the hall, M opened what looked liked a big wooden double door from the Victorian era. Inside was a conference room with Victorian décor. There were only three people sitting on one side of the conference table. One was a hulking man in a trench coat, smoking a cigar. The man had bright red shin, two horn stumps on his forehead, and giant right hand made out of stone. Beside him was a twenty-something man silently staring at the demon-man. He was wearing a white coat and a red shirt underneath it; he had brown hair and a handsome face. A few seats down was someone snoring under a fedora and a great coat, with seemingly old-fashion boots sticking out and resting on the table.

"Now for introductions," said M while closing the door as Bond came closer. "Of course, you met Hellboy before." Bond smiled as he remembered his encounter with the B.P.R.D.'s best operative. "How can I forget? How have you been, Red?" Hellboy slowly exhaled and looked Bond's way returning the smile,

"I can't complain, Jimmy boy?" Bond came over to Hellboy. "The of what I've gathered, you and Liz are pregnant." Hellboy just nodded and then put two stone finger and said, " Twins." Bond patted the father-to-be on the back. "Congratulations; I hope they inherit your good looks." Hellboy just chuckled and said, "Well, that makes _one_ of us."

M walked over to the young man as he got up. "Special Agent James Bond," M said, business like; "May I introduced Mr. Peter Petrelli." Peter shook Bond's hand. "Please to meet you, Agent Bond." "Please," Bond replied, "call me James. So, tell me, what makes you 'special', Mr. Petrelli?" "Call me Peter, please," said Peter. "Well, to put it simply," he raise his hand to one of the bookshelves and a book leapt from it's place and into Peter's raised hand. "I can do _anything_." M snapped herself out of from what see just saw. "Mr. Petrelli has information on the man The Cardinal broke free from the Company." She looked over to Peter to fill Bond in. "The man this Cardinal guy freed is called Sylar. He's a serial killer, and, like me, he's _special_."

Just then a noise of laughter and erotic noises. The doors swung open "All right, everyone get naked. I'll count and you hi…" The speaker was a half undressed man with brown hair, bright blue eyes, a square-cut chin, and pearly-white surrounded by a puckish smile. What he was still wearing was a grey great coat, an unbuttoned blue over shirt revealing six-pack abs, and unzipped trousers with one suspender holding it aloft. "Hi, there. You're all just in time to play Naked Hide and Seek." There were two other people behind him that were also half-way undress; a woman and a man. Bond and M stared in disbelief, because they both knew the two. "Moneypenny," yelled M in shock and slight anger. "Tanner," said Bond in a mixture of shock and amusement. The two in question ran off like frightened rabbits. M started to go after them, but the man prevented her. "Oh come on, M," he said while he rebuttoned his shirt. "We were just having some fun. Surely you remember _that_ kind of fun? You know, from our time together in the Sixties?" M scowled at him. "The only memory I can find, Jack, was when I punched you in the nose for cheating on me, you bastard." Jack put one hand on his heart, and the other on his nose. "Ah, even though I can't die, I _can_ feel the kind of pain you gave me during certain climates. Speaking of my infidelity, How _is_ your husband? Does he still got that stiff back?" That last remark did the impossible, it made M absolutely speechless. Jack just walked passed her to talk with the others. "Jimmy, long time, no see." He held his hand for his old friend to shake it. Bond, trying to be polite as humanly possible. just crossed his smiled and crossed his arms, not knowing _where_ that hand had been and just said, "Harkness." Then, Jack came over to Hellboy. "H.B., I haven't seen you since our little fairy hunt two years back. You haven't returned my calls, naughty boy." Hellboy shrugged "What can I say, Jack?" He said playfully, "Your just not my type." Jack sighed "You're just playing hard to get, Big Red." He made his way to Peter "Hello there, Captain Jack Harkness, and who are _you_?"

Before Peter could reply, a course voice yelled from the sleeping man. "Oi! Could somebody please, shut that blighter _up_? I've got a maelstrom of a hangover, savvy?" The man took the fedora off of his face and on his head. Then, he got his trench coat off his body to reveal that, not only was he wearing old-fashioned boots, but old-fashioned shirt, vest, slacks, sash, and, what got the most eyes, an authentic 18th century sword and pistol. He had dreadlocked hair in a bandanna, a goatee that was also braided, and to most awkward glances (and to Captain Harkness's amusement) he was wearing mascara. Jack spoke up first "You know, I'd thought about wearing make up once, but why mess with perfection?" Instead of replying, the strange man put up a pausing finger in the oddest manner, took a flask from his coat pocket, took a greedy sip, put it back, and sat down again. M, recently recovered from Jack's words, walked over to the man. "And this," said M, "is Jack Sparrow." Sparrow mock-cough in an annoying manner. "Sorry, _Captain_ Jack Sparrow," M corrected her self. Captain Sparrow then mock-coughed in an even _more_ annoying manner. M just grunted and replied annoyed, "Captain Jack Sparrow, The Last Pirate." She then turned to Sparrow and asked, "There, happy now?" Sparrow smiled while putting his hands together as if praying. "Very. Thank you, Mrs." M scowled again "That's 'M' to you." She then turned the others. "There are two others who should've been here by now, but both are late."

With that a puff a blue smoke came out of thin air on top of the table, and was replaced by a man in a greatcoat. What made him stand out, besides the fact that he just appeared in a puff of smoke, was that he had blue skin, pointed ears and teeth, and a tail. "I'm sorry, I got lost," the blue man said in a German accent. "Am I in the right place?" He looked around, and seeing Harkness, Hellboy, and Sparrow, he just smiled and said, "_Ja_, I'm in the right place." Sparrow looked up at the newcomer, and glancing over to Hellboy as if for the first. "Oh, bugger" he said weakly, "I'm hallucinating; it's Davy Jones' Locker all over again." M walked over to reassure Sparrow, "No, Captain Sparrow, you're not hallucinating, it's just one of the other members." She turned once more to the other's "Everyone, may present Herr Kurt Wagner, AKA Night-Crawler, a member of the X-men, on loan by their leader, Ms. Ororo Munroe AKA Storm." Night-Crawler then disappeared and then reappeared sitting in an empty chair and simply said, "_Guten-Tag_."

And then, the doors opened again to reveal a beautiful woman with long brown hair tried in a pony tail and full lips. She was wearing a cotton T-shirt that held on tightly to her full breasts, a pair of hot-pants that exposed her long, gorgeous legs, and round sun-glasses. She had all of the LEXI team eyes on her. "Sorry I'm late, Auntie M," she said in a English accent and smiling as she came over to hug M's neck, "But traffic was murder. That, and your flunkies told me to give them my guns." M smiled after the woman's hug. "Sorry, Lara, but it's protocol. Even I can't change it" Bond eyes was having a field day. "I'm sorry," he said, "'Auntie' M?" M just cleared her throat. "Yes, well, may I present Lady Lara Croft. Archeologist, adventurer, and my _god-daughter_." There was a slight silence for a minute, until Harkness broke it by saying, "Now I really want to play Naked Hide and Seek." Lara simply gave him a promiscuous look and said, "Maybe later." Harkness smiled and winked. "Can I get that in writing?" M then shot an icy glance his way. "Now that you're all here you can be on your way to get two other members that couldn't join us. You will be given their details and the mission on the plane to the U.S. The next member of the LEXI team will be held in FBI custody, but the U.S. government has pulled _many_ strings to get him on the LEXI team. Oh and be careful with him: He _bites_."

_**Author's Note**_: The James Bond in this story is the Daniel Craig Bond; I chose both Captain Jacks because I really wanted some conflict with each other; I chose Night-Crawler instead of Wolverine because Night-Crawler needs some time in the spotlight since he's so popular; and finally, M being Lara Croft's god-mother, brilliant move, eh? It came to me in a flash. So review; and next chapter: Flying the 'Friendly' Skies.


	2. Ch 2: Flying the Friendly Skies

_**Chapter II: Flying the 'Friendly' Skies**_

_The Ancient City of Hamunaptra, Somewhere in Egypt_

While the crimson-cloaked figure sat upon his throne in which he relocated to the temple within Hamunaptra; an elderly man who still had some strength left in him entered, clad in a gray outfit with a red cape and what looked like a red helmet which resembled a Spartan helm. Also, he had a file under his arm. He noticed that his leader appeared to be talking with himself. As he came to the Cardinal's feet, he removed his helmet, and knelled before him as if he was a God among men. _I wouldn't be surprised if he was_, the elderly man thought.

"My Cardinal," the knelling man said, "I bring you new-" before he could finished, the Cardinal raised a bony hand, clad in a red glove. He then stood up to greet the knelling man. "_**Come now, Erik**_," the Cardinal said in voice that sounded like a cross between a whisper from the world's oldest ghost, and growl from the deepest pit of Hell. "_**There is no need for such flatering gestures from one such as your self. After all, you and I are Equals, to a degree**_." He placed his hands upon Erik's shoulders, helping him up. "I'm sorry, my Cardinal," Erik said, bowing his head. "I keep forgetting; you have an air about you that says you are _more_ than either human nor Mutant." That made the Cardinal smile under his mask.

"_**You said you have news, Erik**_." said the Cardinal, changing the subject. "_**Pray tell, what is it?**_" Erik then took the file from under his arm. "Our spies in the UN and MI-6 have confirmed our fears, my Cardinal; they are forming a team with power equal to our own, to foil your plans." He then gave him the file showing all the people the UN hired for to stop him and his plans. While the Cardinal was reading the file; Erik spoke up. "But there is a bright-side to this dilemma;" He gave his leader a slight smile. "Our spies also say they have gathered all but one of those we've been searching for among them; we have discovered the identities of the Anomalies."

This made the Cardinal look up from the file with a skeleton grin on his masked face. "_**Excellent news, Erik,**_" he says, complimenting his friend and acolyte. "_**I beleive you should go to America, and then capture the one they haven't gotten to yet before they do; in time the other Anomalies will be ours. Also, you should bring Hector, the Prince, and the Vampiress; since they are of Magic; where you'll be going to will be their element. Also, you should bring your new Apprentice as well; he may like going out into the field to try his new abilities**_." Erik then picked up his helmet. "I do believe he will enjoy it; I admire his need to become more powerful, or, as he puts it, 'special'. The only thing that disturbs me is the way he 'aqquires' that powers."

"_**Yes**_," agreed the Cardinal. "_**Rather gruesome, isn't it? **_" Erik slightly smiled and nodded. "Indeed it is. Oh, also, Herr Von Klempt told me to tell you that he and the Time-Lord are half-way finished with the Engine. Also, about Von Klempt, my Cardinal, I know he is an expert at this sort of field, but I still do not trust him."

"_**And why is that, Erik**_," the Cardinal asked him. "_**Is it the fact that he is a Nazi, or that he is a disembodied head in a jar?" **_Erik slightly turned to leave. "Actually, I think it's _both_." He was about o go, until the Cardinal said, "_**Erik, one last detail I forgot to mention.**_" Erik then turned to face him. "Yes, my Cardinal?" he asked. The Cardinal then floated towards him like a ghost (the usual way he moved around); holding the file open with one finger pointed at one of the pictures of the operatives. "_**Make sure you bring this one to me along with the Anomalies; I have business with him.**_" Erik's brows arched with confusion, but only said, "I shall obey you, my Cardinal." He then turned to leave; just as he made it to the door, he was sure the Cardinal was whispering something to himself in a soft, normal voice that sounded like: " You promised he wouldn't be harmed."

_Meanwhile, on a high-powered, Government liscnesed Jet, halfway across the Atlantic Ocean,_

"Rum, rum, where's the bloody rum?" Sparrow mumbled sickly as he rummaged through the mini-bar. Peter looked up from his magazine to look across to speak to Sparrow. "I thought you said you had a hangover," said Peter, Sparrow then made a quick sneer at Peter before smiling at his discovery. "Ah, there you are, my old friend," he said to a travel-sized bottle of Captain Morgan as he was picking it up. He turn faced Peter, "Firstly, mate, I'll have you know that I've had years of practice on how to drink so much and only worry about getting very short, yet very strong hangovers. And, secondly, the rum helps settle me stomach when I'm on one of these flying metal beasties. In case you haven't notice, I'm better on the sea than in the air." Suddenly, Sparrow started to look nauseous. "Uh, too late, for the rum; do you know where they keep the head on the place, mate?" Peter pointed the way with his thumb to the direction "Cheers, mate," as Sparrow ran with all his might.

As Sparrow rushed to his destination, he passed the two demon-looking members as they were chewing the fat with each other. "So," said Hellboy, "You're a Mutant." Kurt replied "_Ja-vol, Herr _Hellboy." Hellboy cringed, "A _German_ Mutant. Oh, well," he say while shrugging, "Nobody's perfect, as we both know." He then changed the subject. "I take it you didn't take that Mutant Cure they were distributing a couple years back." Kurt shrugged. "I thought about taking it, naturally. But, Ororo, the current leader of the X-Men, she taught me that my abilities as well as my appearance are what make me who I am. She was the first person, for as long as I can remember, who saw me as a Man and not a Monster."

"Yeah," Hellboy agreed, "That's the same thing with my Liz." It was now Kurt's turn to change the subject. "You looked in contempt when you said I was German. It's not hard to, as you Americans say, put two and two together and find out you have something against Germans." Hellboy sighed. "It's nothing personal; you look like an okay guy. It's just that… I was somehow brought to this world by Nazis." Kurt raised a eyebrow in realization. "Ah, yes, Nazis. They were not exactly the best organization Germany ever produced. You know, when I was younger, I was invited to join a Mutant Neo-Nazi group. But, instead of picking a SS knife and a copy of _Mien Kempt_, I picked up a Crucifix and a Bible." Hellboy started to smile. "Wait, you're Catholic?" Kurt replied cautiously, "_Ja_. What's your point?" Hellboy grinned. "I'm Catholic, too. Small World, huh?" That made both of them laugh. "Isn't this a pip?" said Hellboy, breathlessly. "Two freaks with similar 'good looks' who were both raised to be Catholic are now on the same mission to save the world." Kurt smiled a fanged smile "_Ja_, just call us Red and Blue." Hellboy smirked. "Sorry, Kurt, but 'Blue' has been taken by my pal, Abe. But, clearly, you're bluer than him. I tell you what, how 'bout I call you Blue-2; is it a deal?" he then raised his stone hand to seal a deal. "It's a deal," said Kurt as blue paw-like hand shook red stone hand.

Nearby, Bond was reading the mission files while Harkness was chatting up Lady Croft. "So," Jack said nonchalantly. "You're M's God-Daughter." Lara raised a well-trimmed eyebrow. "Funny, I thought you would've known that; what with you being with Torchwood and all." Jack shrugged. "I make it a rule not to keep an eye on ex-lovers that hate my guts. Anyway, enough of the Ice Empress, I've read a great deal about you, Lara; both from your files and from your media exploits. 'Lady Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.' I must say they certainly know how to capture your good side. Of course, you have a lot of good sides. I've always had a thing for beautiful women with guns." Lara cocked her head. "My my, handsome witty, charming, and unlimited stamina." She then leaned over and spoke in a sultry voice, "I've always had a thing for handsome man with guns." Harkness unfasten his safety-belt. "If that's an invitation, meet me in the toilet in five minutes." Bond then took his eyes the files. "Jack, for God's sake, can you _ever_ keep it in your pants?" Harkness' jaw dropped. "You should talk, Jimmy-boy. Have you forgotten who taught you to be the womanizer you are now, or did you deluded yourself into thinking that you've always been as you are?"

Croft moved to Bond, "You've have reading that file since we've got on the plane. Studying the next candidate?" Bond nodded. "So, who's next to join this motely crew of weirdoes?" asked Hellboy as he, Kurt, and Peter joined the others. "Hannibal Lecter," Bond said solemnly. "Whoa, wait a minute" said Peter, "you mean Hannibal 'The Cannibal' Lecter? The Serial Killer?" Bond looked at Peter, "He's the only one who can help us against someone like Sylar. It takes a killer to catch one, you know." Lara spoke up. "That make sense; but I read that he's dangerous. That he kills for the sake of killing. How do you know he won't betray us and kill us and God knows what to our bodies?" Harkness reassured her, "I've got some tech that ensure that doesn't make a four-course-meal out of us all." Bond replied, "He's right, Lady Croft. Also, M said that only myself, Harkness, and Hellboy are going to the prison that is holding him in Quantico; since we are the only Government Agents. The rest will stay in prepared quarters on base." Hellboy spoke up, "Besides, if he ever figures out how to kill me and eat me, I'll give him an upset stomach so bad, he'll go like Elvis did, on the crap-."

He was coincidently interrupted by a flushing sound. All turned to see Sparrow leaving the rest-room with a nauseous look on his face. He looked to see his team-mates staring at him. "Did I miss something?"

_**Next Chapter: Doctor Lecter Will See You Now.**_


	3. Ch 3: Doctor Lecter Will See You Now

_**Chapter Three: Doctor Lecter Will See You Now**_

_Quantico, VA; A Maximum-Security Prison for the Criminally Insane._

As they were walking down the corridor of caged madmen, Bond, Harkness, and Hellboy were being heckled by the inmates. Bond just walked quietly while ignoring the inmates; unlike his colleagues behind him, who seemed to like being taunted. One inmate that had a cross-shaped scar on his forehead that was clearly a self-inflicted wound pointed and yell, "Behold, the Devil walks among mortal men. The End of Days is finally at hand." Hellboy smirked and said to Jack, "I think he's talking about you, Jack." He then turn to the inmate and commented at his last remark "You're not just whistling Dixie, brother." Further down, another inmate that looked a Charlie Manson clone yelled at Jack, "Hey, Pretty-Boy, come here so I can rape your corpse." Jack looked at the inmate and said, "That's sounds like fun, but I'll have to take a rain check. We're here for the star inmate."

The trio then made their way to a bare room with three chairs, a bare table and a one-handed, and slightly elderly man in a tethered straight-jacket and a muzzle. _No doubt that this is our man_, Bond thought. Lecter grinned behind his muzzle, "Good day, gentlemen. Please, have a seat." He seemed not to be stunned by Hellboy's appearance, which shocked the BPRD agent, who was used to seeing some intimidation along with first meeting; even the most experienced of people tend to wince for a short moment. The three men took a seat; Bond in the center, Harkness on the left, and Hellboy on the right. Bond got the mission file from under his arm, opened it, and placed it on the table.

"In case they didn't tell you, you are to be given amnesty and given a home; under government surveillance, of course. The one condition in gaining this is to become part of a mission that may threaten the very planet." Lecter only looked at file in front on him, slightly squinting so he could read it. When he was finished, he said, "I must admit, this does sound most intriguing. However, I must respectfully decline." Harkness whispered into Bond's ear. "Let me tell him, Jim. Please." He simply nodded, and Harkness beamed, then cleared his throat. "As you may have read," he said in a serious voice, "That the person calling himself the Cardinal has also captured very powerful people as well as objects. The most recent one being a super-human serial killer. Maybe you've heard of him; his name is Sylar." Lecter then cocked his head. "Sylar; now there's a name I've heard so much about. They say he carves the top of the skull, and removes the brain. I must say this just got even more intriguing; I am in. I just one thing to ask; am I supposed to fight, because if I am, I'm afraid my body is not as spry as it once was. That, and I am now handicapped." Bond smiled for a brief moment while he nodded. "You will be mainly used to get into inside the head as the special intelligence and research department of the team. When the time comes when you have to fight, Captain Harkness and Agent Hellboy have provided items from their own agencies to help you surpassed your inabilities. Welcome aboard, Doctor Lecter."

_Quantico, VA; Private Quarters now permanent resting quarter to the LEXI_

Meanwhile, as the other three members were debriefing and 'modifying' Lecter before they joined the others, the remaining members of the LEXI were waiting in a fully stocked apartment suite that M secured and paid for as long the LEXI was still together. In the kitchen, Sparrow was gorging himself with junk food and rum. In the living room, Kurt and Peter were playing Halo. And in one of the bedrooms, Lara was laying on a bed while reading a book containing the works of TS Eliot. As the front door was unlocked and opened, everyone stopped what they were doing, as Bond and Harkness walked in on their own.

"Where's Hellboy," asked Kurt. "I asked him to keep an eye on Dr. Lecter," said Bond "Also, Harkness and I wanted to meet with you first in order to fill you in, and to give you these." He nodded to Harkness, who reached in his coat pocket and gave each team member identical tube-shaped button-switches. "What are these for? Are we going to be in one those game shows," asked Sparrow as he was about to press his. Bond stopped him before he did. "Do not push your buttons until you know what there for." And with that there was a knock on the door, "Well, well," Harkness said smiling, "Here comes Big Red and not-so-good-but tasty-Dr. Lecter."

Before anyone could reply to his remark, he open the door to reveal Hellboy and handsome young man. He looked like he was in his early to mid-twenties, with neatly combed brown, sinister brown eyes, and wearing a brown suit with matching muzzle. His left hand was also out of place; not only was it a different skin color as the rest of his body, but it had ancient writing on it and looked as if it was just been sewn on to his body. "Hello," he said in a confident an slightly accented voice, "my name is Dr. Hannibal Lecter."

After a short silence, Peter was the first to speak. "Wait a minute, isn't he supposed to be pushing seventy?" Lecter nodded to Harkness, "Perhaps, Captain Harkness can explain." Harkness smiled and winked at him, "Happy to, Hanni." He then got a large metal pill bottle from his other coat pocket. "These little beauties are biological age reversers. Take two every forty-eight hour, and your body will reverse back into its prime. Viagra's got nothing on these." Lara then spoke up, "And what are the buzzers for?" Jack switched his disposition from puckish to serious, "Those buzzers are to activate the nanites laced in the reversers that sedate the part of the brain that's in charge of violence." He then turned to face Lecter, "It's to make sure you don't attack and make dinner out us, you naughty little boy."

Sparrow then spoke after taking a swig from his flask, "What in Davy Jones' name is wrong with the blighter's hand?" Lecter nodded to Hellboy, "Your turn, Agent Hellboy." Hellboy smiled, "Thanks doc, you're all right, for a cannibal." He then asked Lecter to raise his hand to give the others a better view. "This, friends," said Hellboy, "is a Hand of Glory. It's a charm that came from a hanged mass murderer. I figure since the doc here is well past 'massed-murderer,' the hand won't reject him. It also has protected rune that keeps him from harming anyone who doesn't deserve." Lecter then laughed slightly. "My, my," he said, "So much protection against me. But, I can't say I don't deserve such precaution. Well, whether I turn against you or not," He then made a small bow, "I am at your service."

With that, Bond spoke up. "Now, that's done with, it's time to go to our next member. You are going to like this, Red; were going to see some old friends of yours." Hellboy asked, "Oh, and where to?" Bond smiled slightly, "Los Angeles." Hellboy grinned from ear to ear, "You're talking about the Scoobies, aren't you?" Bond simply nodded. "All right," said Hellboy. Harkness grinned also, "Are you talking about _the_ Scoobies, as in the Sunnydale Scoobies?" Hellboy patted him on the back with his right hand, "You bet your shiny teeth, Jack." Jack smiled even though he was in discomfort. "Oh, goodie, goodie," he said breathlessly. Peter looked confused. "What the hell is a Scoobie," he asked. "I'll tell you all later during the flight. Next stop, LA, and the '_special_' law firm of Wolfram and Hart."

_**Next chapter: The Lexis and the Scoobies**_


	4. Ch 4: The LEXIs meet the Scoobies

**(Author's Note: Hello Readers. Sorry for the long delays. I tend to get side tracked. Anyways, this chapter shows The Scoobies of Buffy/Angel fame and they're friends with Hellboy and the BPRD. This is all AU. Spike did sacrifice himself to destroy Sunnydale, but the experts at the BPRD brought him back before Lindsey and his bosses the Seinor Partners did. Spike and Buffy are a couple again YAY! FYI, I'm a Spuffy man all the way. Angel has moved on so he can be a better Champion. Besides, he's with Cordie now, who's alive and well and also has more powers to serve the PTB. Conner never existed, but Illyria is around. And last and certainly not least, NO. FRAKING. IMMORTAL! So, any-who, Enjoy.)**

_**Chapter Four: The Lexis and the Scoobies**_

_Aboard the LEXI jet, from Quantico to LA._

As the jet left the ground, the other members gathered round Hellboy, for the information about their next destination "If I may ask the question that's on the rest of the crew's mind; since all of us save you three know," Sparrow asked after he greedily chugged down a small bottle of rum, "Who or what are these 'Scoobies'? And, out of my own curiosity, are they as ugly as that red ape-devil-demon-man…thingy?" Hellboy scowled at him and said, "Hey, watch it, rock-star." He turned his attention to the others. "The Scoobies are a group of people who fought monsters and demons in a California town call Sunnydale." Peter cocked his head. "Sunnydale, that name sounds familiar," he said. "Wait a minute; isn't that the Sunnydale that exploded into nothing than a crater a few years back?" Lecter spoke up, "Yes; I recall hearing about it. The FBI believed it to be a terrorist bombing. My dear Clarice was part of the case." Hellboy nodded, "That's right, doc. And, remember what I said about talking about Agent Starling like she's your girlfriend." Lecter merely held his hands up as a sign of defense. "However, it wasn't a bombing," Hellboy continued, "The fact of the matter is that the entire town was built on top of a Hellmouth." Lara spoke up, "And, pray tell us, what is a Hellmouth." Hellboy smiled, "I glad you asked, your ladyship. A Hellmouth is a gigantic yet mostly dormant portal that lead to the Hell Dimensions. Because of that, it was a hot-spot for all sorts of evil activity. The most majority of Nasties were Vampires."

"Hold on a sec," Peter said. "Are you saying that Vampires are real?" Hellboy raised an eyebrow. "Be fair, Pete. If demons, mutants, immortals, and a pirate walk this earth, why not Vamps?" Peter nodded, "You have a point." Hellboy then took a deep breath. "Technically, that particular kind of Vampire is a Blood Demon; that, class, is a type of demon that can only possess someone bitten by that type of Vamp and then given the blood of the one that bit them. They appear to be dead to the untrained eye during the day; but, when the sun goes down, they leave their eternal dirt-naps and join the ranks of the Undead. They may have kept the same memories and personalities of who they were when they were alive, but don't be fooled; they're just a bunch of soulless evil monsters that care only for blood, chaos, and carnage. Now, are there any questions?"

Kurt raised his hand, "You said 'that particular kind of Vampire.' Does that mean that those Blood Demons aren't the only kind of Vampire." Hellboy smiled while clapping in congratulations, "Well done; a gold star for our true-blue Mr. Night-Crawler for paying attention." He then eyed Sparrow sleeping and just starting to snore while sitting next to Dr. Lecter who simply sat there listening and watching with eerie silence. Hellboy locked eyes with him and nodded to Sparrow. Without any hesitation, Lecter pulled one of his beard-braids, forcing Sparrow to wake up in a startled yet comical manner. "Your absolutely right, Kurt," Hellboy continued. "The Vampires of Sunnydale aren't the only kind of Vampires out there. There's actually several different sub-species of Vampires; each with their own history, biology, traits, weaknesses, and abilities. The only thing they have in common is that they feed on not necessarily only blood, but any vital part that only be found with a living human being; from the kind that feed on blood or any other vital bodily fluids, to the kind that feed on a meta-physical level and feed on emotions or souls."

"Absolutely fascinating," Lecter said while scaring Sparrow while his guard was down. "The things I know already, and I've hardly even scratched the surface. What a extraordinary world we live in. How many sub-species of Vampire are there, exactly?" Hellboy thought about that for a moment before answering, "From the data the BPRD has collected about Vamps over the years, we've recorded about sixty-three known sub-species." Harkness then spoke up, "Technically, the number is sixty-four if you account for a race of mutated humans from a distant future in an alternate reality." Hellboy nodded in acknowledgement, "Oh, yeah, the 'Hemovores,' right? I always seem to forget them."

"WHAT ABOUT THE BLEEDING SCOOBIES," Sparrow yelled. "Relax, will ya; I'm getting there. Do us a favor, pirate-boy, and drink from your mystery flask." Sparrow did just that while Hellboy continued. "Anyway, the Scoobies are a great bunch of guys. First, there's Buffy Summers, the kinda-sorta leader of the group; she's a special kind of warrior that fights the forces of darkness called a Vampire Slayer. There's supposed to be one Slayer for every generation, but usually there can be more than one slayer if the current one only has a near-death-experience instead of kicking the bucket. However, There was a powerful spell that awaken the dormant Slayer powers in every potential Slayer throughout the entire world; that's also part of how Sunnydale turn into Crater-City. Then, we have Buffy's kid sister, Dawn. She's a sweet kid. You'd never know the fact that she was created by a bunch of monks from Buffy's essence so she be the key in opening the Hellmouth. Then, there's Willow Rosenberg; a great person and a powerful witch. She's been a bit down ever since she lost her girlfriend Tara during the events concerning the Hellmouth's collapse. It's a good thing she has Kennedy, another one of those Potential Slayers."

"Oh, a witch _and _a lesbian," Harkness said in his promiscuous voice. "I'm positive now then ever that I'm gonna love the Scoobies." Hellboy chuckled heartily, "I've should've known that detail would peak your interest even further, Jack. Anyway, There's also Xander Harris, a normal guy who helps the others fight the good fight. Then there's Rupert Giles, or simply Giles. He was Buffy's Watcher, or guardian/teacher/coach. He's now the head of the Watchers, a group of people that's older than the Bureau that aids of the Slayers and also watches the Supernatural world in order to protect the human race. He's okay; a little dull for my taste, but he would spend hours with my pal Abe and talk shop. The final two are a barrel of fun; Angel and Spike. They're Champions of Light and the funny thing is that they're Vampires with souls. Don't be fooled; just because they have souls doesn't mean they're the same. Angel's more of the brooding type and he originally got his soul from a Gypsy curse; and Spike's more of the Bad-ass type, and he went through many trials in order get a soul just so he can be with Buffy. It succeeded, but Spike sacrificed himself in order to force the Hellmouth to collapse. Luckily, the BPRD investigated the crater since we've knew about it for some time. Long story short, we used what we could to bring Spike back. Buffy has never been happier after that. It's a good thing Angel's over Buffy since they dated before his curse was broken and he lost his soul. It's back now, but he's moved on from Buffy and is now with Cordellia Chase, former Sunnydale Scooby and Seer to the Powers That Be, The bosses on high. They both work at a very unusual law firm called Wolfram & Hart. The firm provides a number of services for the Supernatural world. It was originally led by a bunch of inter-dimensional baddies called the Senior Partners; but after Angel, Spike, Buffy, and myself overthrew the Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart's on the level and is under the joint management of the Watcher Council and Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense."

"And that's why," Bond said after Hellboy's piece, "we need they're help. With the help of Angel, Buff, and Spike, we may be able to figure out what the Cardinal is planning and stop it before something catastrophic happens."

_The Law Firm of Wolfram & Hart, Los Angeles, CA_

As the team entered the firm, with Hellboy leading the way, most of the team was surprised that despite of what they heard about Wolfram & Hart, the interior looked like an average high-class law firm. The only difference that there were an assortment of creatures that even made Kurt stare in disbelief. One particular creature smiled and waved at Hellboy, and walked over to the group. It was a male with green skin, red horns and red eyes, and the most unusual thing about him was that he was wearing a polyester lounge-suit. "Well, well, well," the green man said to Hellboy, "If it aint Old Lobster Claw." Hellboy greeted the man with a hearty handshake. "Well, well, well. If it aint Old Lounge Lizard. How've you been, Lorne?"

As the two demons greeted one another, Sparrow whispered to Kurt, "Blimey, how many colors do you blighters come in?" Kurt replied with an arched eyebrow, "You do know I'm a Mutant and not a Demon, _Ja_?" Sparrow stepped back while Lorne answered Hellboy. "With a song in my heart," he replied, "And a healthy green complexion. So, Red, who're your friends?" Hellboy slightly turned his head and pointed his stone thumb at his team-mates, "These are some friends of mine. Just going to Angel to ask him to join our club. You know the drill: Save the World. Defeat the Bad-Guy. Pulverize a few Nasties. Could you ring up Harmony and tell Angel that I'm here for a 'business proposition'?" Lorne shook his head, "No-can-do, Red. Harmony's been transferred to the office in Rome. I'm fine with that; she made a _horrible_ cup of Java. However, her replacement is our top intern and friend to both of us. Let me give you a hint who it is. Ahem." Lorne then sang the first line of 'You Are My Sunshine' in a campy and hammy way. Hellboy nodded and smiled; getting the hint. "In that case," Hellboy replied, "Cancel the ring-up. I want to surprise her." Lorne nodded as he walked away. "Oh, also" he replied, "her big-sis and Witchie-Poo are helping her out." As the rest of the LEXI followed Hellboy, Harkness stayed behind to talk to Lorne. "You know I'm a good singer myself. How's about we do a duet sometime, eh?" Lorne cocked his head while thinking. "Well, you're a handsome devil; I'll give you that. But I make a habit to make sweet music with sopranos and not baritones and/or tenors. Sorry for the false advertising, but thanks any way." Harkness pouted slightly, then ran to the elevator where the group was after Bond yelled out his name.

As the elevator opened, the team sees a young women around her late teens with long brown hair and a happy disposition sitting at a desk; busy doing some paperwork. Hellboy raised a hand to halt the team, and went to the desk while the girl. "Hiya, Sunrise." he simply said. The girl suddenly looked up, let out a happy shriek, came around the desk, and jumped up to hug Hellboy's neck while shouting, "HB." Hellboy chuckled while gently hugging her. "I heard about you and Liz," she said as he put her down. "Congratulations." After that, two women in their twenties went around to see what was the noise about. One was blond wearing a fashionable yet sporty attire. "Hey there, big guy," the blonde said, "I didn't know you were going to stop by." Hellboy gave her a careful bear-hug. "Hey there yourself, Buff. Long time no see, huh?" While the other was a redhead wearing a dress of Celtic design. "RED" this one said to Hellboy. He replied "RED," as well as he hugged her too. "We've heard that you and Liz were pregnant with twins. May the Goddess bless them both." Hellboy smile and said, "Thanks, Willow. That means a lot for both of us. Are the others here?" Willow shook her head. "No; they're still working at the Slayer Camp in Cleveland."

"Don't I get a hug, Sandy Claws?" the British accented voice came from a tall man all in black; with bleached-blonde hair; thick eyebrows with a scar on the left one; and a freshly lit cigarette. Hellboy came up to him. "SPIKEY!" yelled Hellboy. "REDMAN!" said the Brit as they laughed an threw mocked punches at each other. Harkness was the first of the LEXI to speak up. "So this is the famous Buffy Summers. I thought you were a petite young thing, but I can see that you are certainly anything but." Buffy smiled and blushed at the compliment. "You must be Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood. Hellboy has told me about you." Harkness smiled and said, "Oh, good things or bad thing?" He winked at her very saucily. "Not that I'm complaining." Spike ran up to Buffy and Harkness. "Oi, mate," he said as came between them, "quit chatting up my girl." Harkness cocked his head and smiled rather puckishly. "You know," he said, "You're a dead ringer for one of my ex-boyfriends. Same face; same attitude; he had a birthmark shaped like a pumpkin an his right buttock." He looked at Buffy, "Tell me, does Spike here have one too?" Spike put down his defenses and turned to Buffy. "Buff," he said. "I've seen a lot of things in my life. But now, I've seen it all: Someone who's a bigger poofter than Peaches."

"Peaches, who's that," asked Lady Croft. Hellboy spoke up. "Oh, that's one of the names Spike here calls Angel." That stoked Harkness' interest more. "Angel is GAY!" he asked in an excited tone. Buffy and Spike answered at the same time; only she said "No," and he said, "Yes." Buffy turned to Spike. "He is not, and you know it." She then punched him hard on the shoulder. Spike turned to the LEXI while rubbing his shoulder and said, "Believe it or not, this is her equivalent of a peck on the lips." Bond spoke up. "Yes, that's very fine and all that. But can we see Angel, please?" Dawn went back to her desk. "He's still in his office. Hold on, let me ri-." Before she could finish, a loud mixture of a breaking noise and an explosion came from one of the offices. "Let me guess," Peter said, "that's Angel's office." The Scoobies all nodded. Every one went into battle mode and head to Angel's office while Spike sighed and said, "Just and another day at sodding Wolfram & bloody Hart."

_**Next Chapter: Assault on Wolfram & Hart**_


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